


Valentine's Day Hi-Jinx

by Slaskia



Series: Misfortunate Events [9]
Category: Halo
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-18
Updated: 2009-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-19 03:48:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slaskia/pseuds/Slaskia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnson wants to get back at Zeno for the pranks he pulls, only he may have chosen the 'wrong' day and 'wrong' method to do so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Valentine's Day Hi-Jinx

“So…what exactly are we doing?”  Master Chief said as he followed Johnson while carrying a large box. 

“Valentine’s Day is tomorrow,”  Johnson said. 

“Yeah…so?” 

“Sooo…everyone is gearing up for it.  Everyone that is…but this guy,”  The human Ambassador was referring to Zeno ‘Ribal, a Elite SpecOps that had spent the majority of his time with the humans since the end of the war.  Said Elite usually was right in the thick of human holidays, soaking it all up, every holiday that is, save Valentine’s Day. 

On that day, along with the days leading up to it, the usually cheerful and mischievous Elite turned into something of a Scrooge.  He would tear down decorations with fervor and play cruel on obvious couples.  It had gotten so bad that festivities for the holiday were toned down a bit, or at the very least not so obvious.  Plus, those celebrating the day had quickly learned to avoid the Elite when he was roaming the station during those days. 

Johnson didn’t know why Zeno hated the holiday so much, but he himself was sick of Zeno ruining it for others.  This time he intended to do something about it, in his own special way.  “This is a bad idea…,”  Cortana said from the Spartan’s armor.  “Shouldn’t you at least find out _why_ he hates it so much first?” 

“Miss…something tells me that Elite is not about to tell us why it’s such a sore point,” Johnson retorted as they reached Zeno’s quarters.  “Is he in there?” 

After a brief moment Cortana replied.  “No, it’s clear.  Should I point out this is technically misuse of UNSC property?” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.  It’s for the greater good.  Now unlock the door already,”  With a sigh, Cortana did as ordered and the door to Zeno’s quarters opened with a faint hiss. 

The Elite’s room was in a state of disarray, the bed unmade and various clothing articles thrown about.  It was likely a reflection of Zeno’s current state of mind, rather then how he usually kept his room.  “Man…look at the size of these tighty whities,”  Johnson said, lifting up a pair.  “I wonder if he has to special order these,” he looked inside.  “Yep…they get skid marks too.” 

“That’s going on my list of ‘Things I didn’t want to know’,”  Cortana mumbled. 

“Sir, with all due respect,”  Master Chief piped up.  “Shouldn’t we get this over with?” 

“Right, right,” Johnson dropped the pair of Elite underwear and gestured for Chief to put the box on the bed.  The Sergeant Major then opened the box to reveal hordes of Valentine’s Day decorations.  “Time to get to work.” 

In short order, they had ‘pinkified’ Zeno’s room and Johnson stood back to look at their work, wondering if there is anything more he could do.  Then his eyes laid upon the SpecOps armor that was set neatly upon a rack.  “Ooooo…,”  Johnson’s eyes lit up as a new idea came to mind.  “Chief, help me with this,” he said as he started to take the armor pieces down and putting them into the now empty box. 

“I don’t know about this…,” Master Chief said as he helped Johnson with the larger and heavier pieces. 

“This is a _really_ bad idea…,”  Cortana protested.  “I must protest this!” 

“Oh lighten up Cortana,”  Johnson said as the last armor piece was put in the box and Master Chief lifted it up.  “Come Chief!  It’s time to find some paint!” 

“I am going to reserve a room for you at the infirmary…as I just _know_ how this is going to end….” 

\--- 

Zeno entered his quarters after a long day, wanting nothing more then to just crash for the night.  Valentine’s Day was tomorrow and he wondered if he should just stay in his room the whole day.  He hated that holiday, hated what it represented and how everyone seemed to rub it in his face.  Sure, the ‘rubbing it in’ aspect had decreased greatly since he had made it quite clear how he felt about it, but the day still existed and there was Johnson, whom seemed to enjoy rubbing it in.  It would probably help to let them know _why_ he hated the day so much, but Zeno felt it was none of their freaking business.  The pain, the memories the day brought up was still too much for him. 

He didn’t get far into his quarters when he realized something just wasn’t right.  A quick look around confirmed it:  his private abode had been assaulted with Valentine’s Day decorations.  With a roar he proceeded to rip off the offending hearts and other pink paraphernalia and it was only after he was done that he realized something else was wrong. 

 _Where is my armor…,_   he thought as he searched the room frantically.  _It was on the rack when I left…._  

Zeno searched and searched but to no avail, leading him to the conclusion that it had been taken.  He had a good guess as to who might have done such a thing and he stormed out of his quarters to search for said person.  After all, the only human on this whole station who would dare do such a thing was Johnson…. 

\--- 

“Ok…just _why_ are you having me stick around again?” Master Chief said as Johnson finished putting a layer of paint on the last piece of Zeno’s armor. 

“Come on Chief, don’t you want to see his reaction?” Johnson said cheerfully. 

“Ok…so I am a bodyguard.” 

“You know Chief, Johnson probably deserves whatever is coming to him for this.  It would be no sweat off my back if you just walked away right now.  In fact, I would recommend it,”  Cortana said with an exasperated sigh. 

“Since when do AI’s sweat?”  Johnson quipped. 

“ _Highly_ recommend it.  Must I remind you that you will be dealing with a nine foot tall SpecOps Elite that is currently in a rather foul mood?” 

“Johnson!”  The voice of a familiar Elite boomed. 

“Oh, hello Zeno,”  Johnson said, beaming as he stood up to both great him and hide the newly painted armor.  “Lovely day isn’t it?” 

“Lovely day my ass,”  Zeno hissed, towering over the human.  “I saw what you did to my quarters.” 

“Oh?  What’d you think?” 

“What the hell do you think I felt about it?  I ripped it all to pieces!” 

“Awww…well I do hope you intend to pay me back for the cost of all that.” 

“Like hell I am!  Now where is my armor!?” 

“Armor?” 

“Do not give me that innocent look Johnson!  I know you took it!” 

“Oh you mean _this_ armor,”  Johnson sidestepped, to reveal the pinkified SpecOps armor.  Zeno’s eyes went wide and his mandibles gaped in shock.  “I thought you should try wearing pink for awhile ya know?  They say it helps lighten people’s mood.” 

“Um…Johnson…,” Master Chief said, quickly noticing Zeno’s expression turning from shock to something far more dangerous.  One of the Elite’s eyes was beginning to twitch, along with a mandible.  His hands were slowly clenching into fists and his face was turning a very dark purple. 

“I _told_ you it was a bad idea!”  Cortana yelled as it finally dawned on Johnson that he was in big trouble. 

“Er…time to earn your keep Chief!”  Johnson said as he promptly bolted, Zeno hot on his heels.  At least initially as Chief just managed to wrap his arms around the Elite’s waist.  Problem is, that didn’t stop the enraged Elite, whom was somehow managing to drag him along, MJOLNIR armor and all.  That, and he really wasn’t liking how close his head was to the Elite’s ass. 

“Hmm…I am learning all sorts of new Elite curse words here,”  Cortana said, somewhat amused. 

“Glad you are having fun…how about calling for back up before I lose my grip on him?”  Chief said. 

“It’s against my better judgment but alright….” 

It turned out back up wasn’t needed.  Dragging over a tons worth of Master Chief took its toll on Zeno, pissed off or not.  After a few more moments he just collapsed, exhausted, and all Chief had to do was stay with him until Rtas showed up. 

The Shipmaster shook his head and helped Zeno to his feet before escorting him back to his quarters.  Once that was done, he returned to find out what the story was:  he groaned when he found out.  “That Johnson really did it this time,” he said.  “He has his armor the way it is to honor those that fell to the Brutes during the Great Schism, including someone that was very dear to him.” 

“Wonderful…I just knew it had to be something like this to be the reason he hates this holiday so much,”  Cortana grumbled. 

“So what now?” Chief asked. 

“I suggest we keep Zeno in his room for a while, until he cools off,”  Rtas suggested.  “In the mean time, I think I have an appropriate punishment for Johnson I am going to suggest to his superiors….”

 ---

_A week later_

 

Johnson sighed as yet another Elite dropped off a set of armor to be polished.  “This is endless…,” he grumbled as he looked at the five other sets he hadn’t done yet.  It wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t such huge suckers.  “How much longer do I have to do this?” 

Nearby Zeno was watching him while reclined on a bench.  The Elite was back to his usual cheerful self and seemed to be enjoying the humans torment.  “One more week Johnson,”  Zeno said happily as he nibbled on a popsicle. 

“I don’t think my arms will last that long….” 

“Less talking, more polishing.” 

“I am starting to wish I just let you kill me instead….” 

“Aww…but what would I do without you?” 

“Shuddup….”


End file.
